Meanwhile Back at the Ranch

I’m off-topic today because this issue has been bothering me for a long time.

As the parent of a 2-1/2-year-old, I’m doing my best to reinforce the please-and-thank-you routine, and I’m pleased to report that Elie is showing progress in the basics of etiquette.

But this morning, I found myself caught in traffic and learned that many grown-ups have forgotten the things that they learned in kindergarten, and it bothers me.

It’s real simple:

When you’re in a lane of traffic that is being merged into another lane of traffic and you want to get in line ahead of another car, make eye contact with the operator of said vehicle, point to the spot where you want to go and await their acknowledgement.

It’s then appropriate to mouth the word “thank you” before you move your vehicle into position. A “thank you” wave in the review mirrior is also a nice gesture after you’ve completed the maneuver.

On the flip side, if you see that another car is trying to merge into your line of traffic, my personal rule of thumb is to allow one car to merge, allowing for a smoother flow of traffic and also because it’s the nice thing to do. Once you’ve allowed one car into your lane, you have fulfilled your karmic duty for the day.

This is pretty simple stuff, people. And this used to be such a friendly country.

Why does no one even wave anymore?

WTF happened?

And while I’m at it, when did “Uh-huh” become the proper response to “Thank you”?

In the good ol’ days, you pretty much knew who was talking trash about you. They were quoted in the newspaper, sent you hate mail or blasted your customer service reps over the phone.

But in the age of messge boards, blogs and Twitter, your detractors can post pretty much anything they want, ANONYMOUSLY and then disappear in the night faster than the Varmint Cong.

Whack A Molemore flash games..

Recently, we’ve begun incorporating a new technology to help us help our clients not only find out who’s saying what about them, but also to separate the lovers from the haters and prioritize our actions by engaging online commentators holding the greatest influence first.

It’s proved to be a tremendous listening tool, and eliminates the old PR trap of mistaking activity for achievement.

If I remember correctly, listening accounts for at least half of all communication (at least, that’s what I think Professor Yeager was saying…it was an 8 a.m. class…I wasn’t really paying attention).

Unfortunately, all anybody seems to want to do these days is talk.

On Twitter, on Facebook, on blogs, all anyone wants to do is talk-talk-talk-talk-talk.

It’s as though the social media revolution has turned the world into a murder of yammering magpies.

Listen up, Heckle and Jeckle! Just because you got out of bed this morning does not mean the rest of the world needs to receive a tweet about it.

Maybe you should be using social networks as a listening tool, so that you can better understand how your customers are responding to trends and how they perceive your brand in the marketplace. Then, you can respond in a manner that demonstrates your interest in serving the needs of customers.

Face it. Listening takes time. Listening takes effort. And as the parent of a two-and-a-half-year-old, listening can be a full-time occupation and a huge pain in the ass. Listening is about love because in order to listen you have to care truly and deeply about what the other person is saying.

And if you don’t listen, your talking is nothing but a bunch of noise. (If you don’t believe me, crash a wedding this weekend so you can brush up on I Corinthians 13).

So the next time someone approaches you and tells you how well they are going to talk on your behalf. Stop them and ask how well they plan on listening for you.

When your boss looks at your marketing plan, does she ask you how you plan on measuring the return on the company’s investment? Does he question the ability of public relations campaigns to generate sales leads? Are you wondering if the grim reaper is lurking around the corner of your cubicle?

If you answered “yes” to any of these questions, you’re not alone. And the questions aren’t new.

More than 100 years ago, Philadelphia retailer John Wannamaker was quoted as saying, “half of my advertising is wasted…the trouble is, I don’t know which half.”

Most marketers still wrestle with this problem, which is why you see so many turning to search engine optimization and pay-per-click programs over traditional broadcast and print advertising. They may not be any more effective in the long run, but at least the advertiser has something to measure.

What about public relations managers, who struggle not only with the age-old question of connecting the dots between publicity and sales, but also with the shrinking (disappearing?) news hole and how to place a value on social media strategies.

Wouldn’t it be great if your marketing plan were made of Kevlar and coated in Teflon?

The truth order to survive these tough times, your marketing plan needs to be like The Terminator….an ultra-high-tech endoskeleton covered in living tissue.

Technology plus humanity = bulletproof.

Software developers have created algorhythms that can pinpoint Web chatter down and tell you who is saying what about your products and services, and to whom. They can analyze your sales data and tell you who your best customers are and demonstrate how to better focus your sales force to maximize profits while eliminating wasted energy chasing “bad” customers and prospects.

In the hands of a marketing, sales and service team willing to be genuine, transparent, caring and responsive, these programs not only generate greater revenues and profits, but also engender long-term customer loyalty and value.

And they’re bulletproof.

My wife recently purchased a toy refrigerator as a second birthday present for our daughter.

It was your basic Made in China special…some assembly required. But I’m pleased to report that I was able to put the thing together in a little bit less than an hour and without cursing.

When it was all done, the handles on the refrigerator and freezer doors didn’t quite line up, but other than that, it was a good-looking piece of miniature furniture, and our little one loves playing in her new kitchen.

A short time later, Alison received an e-mail asking if she wouldn’t mind writing a review on the product. She was happy to oblige and here’s her review, in which she gave the fridge four stars out of five.

Yesterday, she received the following e-mail:

Hi Alison,

Thank you so much for your recent online review of our white refrigerator. I’m so sorry to read about the problems that you had with the doors and would really like to help make things right. If you are open to exchanging the refrigerator for a new one, I would be more than happy to facilitate that for you. Or, if you’d rather not go through the exchange process, is there something else I can do to help? We all feel badly that your fridge is not working perfectly.

I sincerely apologize for any inconvenience that this may be causing. We appreciate your business and the time you spent submitting your thoughtful review. If there’s anything I can do to help with your refrigerator, or anything else, please let me know.

Best wishes,

Melissa Bolton
The Land of Nod
800-933-9904 x762
melissa.bolton@landofnod.com

You gotta applaud an outfit that uses technology to not only engage its customers in helping to influence other potential customers, but also offers up an “above and beyond” response when the customer is not 100-percent pleased.

I’ve used up a lot of oxygen in the past few years speaking on the topic of how technology is a tool best used to connect one person to another, and not a lazy man’s substitute for an actual person-to-person interaction.

You can bet that we’ll be buying more stuff from The Land of Nod in the years to come.